This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
