i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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