she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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