yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
