I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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