Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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