i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize