I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
