Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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