can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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