Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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