Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
