we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
