And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize