help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
