Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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