At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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