He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
