We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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