Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
