if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
