We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
