my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
