did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
