Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
