U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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