my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
