drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
