If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
