The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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