Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
