You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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