God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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