I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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