I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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