xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
