My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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