He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
