maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
