Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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