Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
