At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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