I cannot find my penis.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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