can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
