it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
