apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
