So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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