Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
