This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i've created a new STD.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
