my phone needs a breathalizer
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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