Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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