I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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