He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
