Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
