Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
