Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
