I didn't shave. On purpose
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
