after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
