Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
