You made me cry and you don't even care
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
