Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
