just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
