I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
