I love black thongs
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So much rum. So many feels.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
