Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
