at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
