I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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