Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
