it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
