I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
