Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
