she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
